The Carvery: All You Can Eat Buffet The Meadows

lancashire countryside has been created

By Thomas Mann Translation by H. T. Lowe-Porter THE FIGHT BETWEEN JAPPE AND DO ESCOBAR I WAS very much taken aback when Johnny Bishop told me that Jappe and Do Escobar were going to fight each other and that we must go and watch them do it. It was in the summer holidays at Travemünde, on a sultry day was a slight land breeze and a flat sea ever so far away across the sands. We had been some three-quarters of an hour in the water and were lying on the hard sand under the props of the bathing- cabins——we two and Jürgen Brattström the shipowner's son. Johnny and Brattström were lying on their backs entirely naked; I felt more comfortable with my towel wrapped round my hips. Brattström asked me why I did it and I could not think of any sensible answer; so Johnny said with his winning smile that I was probably too big now to lie naked. I really was larger and more developed than Johnny and Brattström; also a little older, about thirteen; so I accepted Johnny's explanation in silence, although with a certain feeling of mortification. For in Johnny Bishop's presence you actually felt rather out of it if you were any less small, fine, and physically childlike than he, who was all these things in such a very high degree. He knew how to look up at you with his pretty, friendly blue eyes, which had a certain mock- ing smile in them too, with an expression that said: "What a great, gawky thing you are, to be sure!" The ideal of manliness and long trousers had no validity in his presence——and that at a time, not long after the war, when strength, courage, and every hardy virtue stood very high among us youth and all sorts of conduct were banned as effeminate. But Johnny, as a foreigner—or half- foreigner——was exempt from this atmosphere. He was a little like a woman who preserves her youth and looks down on other women who are less successful at the feat. Besides he was far and away the best-dressed boy in town, distinctly aristocratic and elegant in his real English sailor suit with the linen collar, sailor's knot, laces, a silver whistle in his pocket, and an anchor on the sleeve that narrowed round his wrists. Anyone else would have been laughed at for that sort of thing——it would have been jeered at as "girls' clothes." But he wore them with such a disarming and confident air that he never suffered in the least. He looked rather like a thin little cupid as he lay there, with his pretty, soft blond curls and his arms up over the narrow English head that rested on the sand. His father had been a German busi- ness man who had been naturalized in England and died some years since. His mother was English by blood, a long-featured lady with quiet, gentle ways, who had settled in our town with her two children, Johnny and a mischievous little girl just as pretty as he. She still wore black for her husband, and she was probably honouring his last wishes when she brought the children to grow up in Germany. Obviously they were in easy circum- stances. She owned a spacious house outside the city and a villa at the sea and from time to time she travelled with Johnny and Sissie to more distant resorts. She did not move in society, although it would have been open to her. Whether on account of her mourn- ing or perhaps because the horizon of our best families was too narrow for her, she herself led a retired life, but she managed that her children should have social intercourse. She incited other children to play with them and sent them to dancing and to deport- ment lessons, thus quietly arranging that Johnny and Sissie should associate exclusively with the children of well-to-do families—— of course not in pursuance of any well-defined principle, but just as a matter of course. Mrs. Bishop contributed, remotely, to my own education: it was from her I learned that to be well thought of by others no more is needed than to think well of yourself. Though deprived of its male head the little family showed none of the marks of neglect or disruption which often in such cases make people fight shy. Without further family connection, with- out title, tradition, influence, or public office, and living a life apart, Mrs. Bishop by no means lacked social security or preten- sions. She was definitely accepted at her own valuation and the friendship of her children was much sought after by their young contemporaries. As for Jürgen Brattström, I may say in passing that his father had made his own money, achieved public office, and built for himself and his family the red sandstone house on the Burgfeld, next to Mrs. Bishop's. And that lady had quietly accepted his son as Johnny's playmate and let the two go to school together. Jürgen was a decent, phlegmatic, short-legged lad without any prominent characteristics. He had begun to do a little private business in licorice sticks. As I said, I was extremely shocked when Johnny told me about the impending meeting between Jappe and Do Escobar which was to take place at twelve o'clock that day on the Leuch- tenfeld. It was dead earnest——might have a serious outcome, for Jappe and Do Escobar were both stout and reckless fellows and had strong feelings about knightly honour. The issue might well be frightful. In my memory they still seem as tall and manly as they did then, though they could not have been more than fifteen at the time. Jappe came from the middle class of the city; he was not much looked after at home, he was already almost his own master, a combination of loafer and man-about-town. Do Escobar was an exotic and bohemian foreigner, who did not even come regularly to school but only attended lectures now and then——an irregular but paradisial existence! He lived en pension with some middle-class people and rejoiced in complete independence. Both were people who went late to bed, visited public-houses, strolled of evenings in the Broad Street, followed girls about, performed crazy "stunts"——in short, were regular blades. Although they did not live in the Kurhotel at Travemünde——where they would scarcely have been acceptable——but somewhere in the village, they frequented the Kurhaus and garden and were at home there as cosmopolitans. In the evening, especially on a Sunday, when I has long since been in my bed in one of the chalets and gone off to sleep to the pleasant sound of the Kurhaus band, they, and other members of the young generation——as I was aware——still sauntered up and down in the stream of tourists and guests, loitered in front of the long awning of the café, and sought and found grown-up entertainment. And here they had come to blows, good- ness knows how and why. It is possible that they had only brushed against each other in passing and in the sensitiveness of their knightly honour had made a fighting matter of the en- counter. Johnny, who of course had been long since in bed too and was instructed only by hearsay in what happened, expressed himself in his pleasant, slightly husky childish voice, that the quarrel was probably about some "gal"——an easy assumption, considering Jappe's and Do Escobar's precocity and boldness. In short, they had made no scene among the guests, but in few and biting words agreed upon hour and place and witnesses for the satisfaction of their honour. The next day, at twelve, rendezvous at such and such a spot on the Leuchtenfeld. Good evening.—— Ballet-master Knaak from Hamburg, master of ceremonies and leader of the Kurhaus cotillions, had been on the scene and prom- ised his presence at the appointed hour and place. Johnny rejoiced wholeheartedly in the fray——I think that neither he nor Brattström would have shared my apprehensions. Johnny repeatedly assured me, forming the r far forward on his palate, with his pretty enunciation, that they were both "in dead eahnest" and certainly meant business. Complacently and with a rather ironic objectivity he weighed the chances of victory for each. They were both frightfully strong, he grinned; both of them great fighters——it would be fun to have it settled which of them was the greater. Jappe, Johnny thought, had a broad chest and capital arm and leg muscles, he could tell that from seeing him swimming. But Do Escobar was uncommonly wiry and savage—— hard to tell beforehand who would get the upper hand. It was strange to hear Johnny discourse so sovereignly upon Jappe's and Do Escobar's qualifications, looking at his childish arms, which could never have given or warded off a blow. As for me, I was indeed far from absenting myself from the spectacle. That would have been absurd and moreover the proceedings had a great fasci- nation for me. Of course I must go, I must see it all, now that I knew about it. I felt a certain sense of duty, along with other and conflicting emotions: a great shyness and shame, all unwarlike as I was, and not at all minded to trust myself upon the scene of manly exploits. I had a nervous dread of the shock which the sight of a duel à outrance, a fight for life and death, as it were, would give me. I was cowardly enough to ask myself whether, once on the field, I might not be caught up in the struggle and have to expose my own person to a proof of valour which I knew in my inmost heart I was far from being able or willing to give. On the other hand I kept putting myself in Jappe's and Do Esco- bar's place and feeling consuming sensations which I assumed to be what they were feeling. I visualized the scene of the insult and the challenge, summoned my sense of good form and with Jappe and Do Escobar resisted the impulse to fall to there and then. I experienced the agony of an overwrought passion for justice, the flaring, shattering hatred, the attacks of raving impatience for revenge, in which they must have passed the night. Arrived at the last ditch, lost to all sense of fear, I fought myself blind and bloody with an adversary just as inhuman, drove my fist into his hated jaw with all the strength of my being, so that all his teeth were broken, received in exchange a brutal kick in the stomach and went under in a sea of blood. After which I woke in my bed with ice-bags, quieted nerves, and a chorus of mild reproaches from my family. In short, when it was half past twelve and we got up to dress I was half worn out with my apprehensions. In the cabin and afterwards when we were dressed and went outdoors, my heart throbbed exactly as though it was I myself who was to fight with Jappe or Do Escobar, in public and with all the rigours of the game. I still remember how we took the narrow wooden bridge which ran diagonally up from the beach to the cabins. Of course we jumped, in order to make it sway as much as possible, so that we bounced as though on a spring-board. But once below we did not follow the board walk which led along the beach past the tents and the basket chairs; but held inland in the general direction of the Kurhaus but rather more leftwards. The sun brooded over the dunes and sucked a dry, hot odour from the sparse and withered vegetation, the reeds and thistles that stuck into our leg. There was no sound but the ceaseless humming of the blue-bottle flies which hung apparently motionless in the heavy warmth, sud- denly to shift to another spot and begin afresh their sharp, mo- notonous whine. The cooling effect of the bath was long since spent. Brattström and I kept lifting our hats, he his Swedish sailor cap with the oilcloth visor, I my round Heligoland woollen bon- net——the so-called tam-o'-shanter——to wipe our brows. Johnny suffered little from heat, thanks to his slightness and also because his clothing was more elegantly adapted than ours to the summer day. In his light and comfortable sailor suit of striped washing material which left bare his throat and legs, the blue, short- ribboned cap with English lettering on his pretty little head, the long slender feet in fine, almost heelless white leather shoes, he walked with mounting strides and somewhat bent knees between Brattström and me and sang with his charming accent "Little Fisher Maiden"——a ditty which was then the rage. He sang it with some vulgar variation in the words, such as boys like to in- vent. Curiously enough, in all his childishness he knew a good deal about various matters and was not at all too prudish to take them in his mouth. But always he would make a sanctimonious little face and say: "Fie! Who would sing such dirty songs?"—— as though Brattström and I had been the ones to make indecent advances to the little fisher maiden. I did not feel at all like singing, we were too near the fatal spot. The prickly grass of the dunes had changed to the sand and sea moss of a barren meadow; this was the Leuchtenfeld, so called after the yellow lighthouse towering up in the far distance. We soon found ourselves at our goal. It was a warm, peaceful spot, where almost nobody ever came: protected from view by scrubby willow trees. On the free space among the bushes a crowd of youths lay or sat in a circle. They were almost all older than we and from various strata of society. We seemed to be the last spectators to arrive. Everybody was waiting for Knaak the dancing-master, who was needed in the capacity of neutral and umpire. Both Jappe and Do Escobar were there——I saw them at once. They were sitting far apart in the circle and pretending not to see each other. We greeted a few acquaintances with silent nods and squatted in our turn on the sun- warmed ground. Some of the group were smoking. Both Jappe and Do Escobar held cigarettes in the corners of their mouths. Each kept one eye shut against the smoke and I instantly felt and knew that they were aware how grand it was to sit there and smoke before entering the ring. They were both dressed in grown-up clothes, but Do Escobar's were more gentlemanly that Jappe's. He wore yellowed shoes with pointed toes, a light-grey summer suit, a rose- coloured shirt with cuffs, a coloured silk cravat, and a round, nar- row-brimmed straw hat sitting far back on his head, so that his mop of shining black hair showed on one side beneath it, in a big hummock. He kept raising his right hand to shake back the silver bangle he wore under his cuff. Jappe's appearance was distinctly less pretentious. His legs were encased in tight trousers of a lighter colour than his coat and waistcoat and fastened with straps under his waxed black boots. A checked cap covered his curly blond hair; in contrast to Do Escobar's jaunty headgear he wore it pulled down over his forehead. He sat with his arms clasped round one knee; you could see that he had on loose cuffs over his shirt-sleeves, also that his finger-nails were either cut too short or else that he indulged in the vice of biting them. Despite the smoking and the assumed nonchalance, the whole circle was serious and silent, restraint was in the air. The only one to make head against it was Do Escobar, who talked without stopping to his neighbours, in a loud, strained voice, rolling his r's and blow- ing smoke out of his nose. I was rather put off by his volubility; it inclined me, despite the bitten finger-nails, to side with Jappe, who at most addressed a word or two over his shoulder to his neighbour and for the rest gazed in apparent composure at the smoke of his cigarette. Then came Herr Knaak——I can still see him, in his blue striped flannel morning suit, coming with winged tread from the direc- tion of the Kurhaus and lifting his hat as he paused outside the circle. That he wanted to come I do not believe; I am convinced rather that he had made a virtue of necessity when he honoured the fight with his presence. And the necessity, the compulsion, was due to his equivocal position in the eyes of the martially- and mascu- linely-minded youth. Dark-skinned and comely, plump, particu- larly in the region of the hips, he gave us dancing and deportment lessons in the wintertime——private, family lessons as well as pub- lic classes in the Casino; and in the summer he acted as bathing- master and social manager at Travemünde. He rocked on his hips and weaved in his walk, turning out his toes very much and setting them first on the ground as he stepped. His eye had a vain ex- pression, his speech was pleasant but affected, and his way of entering a room as though it were a stage, his extraordinary and fastidious mannerisms charmed all the female sex, while the mascu- line world, and especially critical youth, viewed him with sus- picion. I have often pondered over the position of François Knaak in life and always have I found it strange and fantastic. He was of humble origins, his parents were poor, and his taste for the social graces left him as it were hanging in the air——not a member of society, yet paid by it as a guardian and instructor of its con- ventions. Jappe and Do Escobar were his pupils too; not in pri- vate lessons, like Johnny, Brattström, and me, but in the public classes in the Casino. It was in these that Herr Knaak's character and position were most sharply criticized. We of the private classes were less austere. A fellow who taught you the proper de- portment towards little girls, who was thrillingly reported to wear a corset, who picked up the edge of his frock-coat with his finger- tips, curtsied, cut capers, leaped suddenly into the air, where he twirled his toes before he came down again——what sort of chap was he, after all? These were the suspicions harboured by militant youth on the score of Herr Knaak's character and mode of life, and his exaggerated airs did nothing to allay them. Of course, he was a grown-up man (he was even, comically enough, said to have a wife and children in Hamburg); and his advantage in years and the fact that he was never seen except officially and in the dance-hall, prevented him from being convicted and unmasked. Could he do gymnastics? Had he ever been able to? Had he courage? Had he parts? In short, could one accept him as an equal? He was never in a position to display the soldier char- acteristics which might have balanced his salon arts and made him a decent chap. So there were youths who made no bones of call- ing him straight out a coward and a jackanapes. All this he knew and therefore he was here today to manifest his interest in a good stand-up fight and to put himself on terms with the young, though in his official position he should not have countenanced such goings-on. I am convinced, however, that he was not comfortable ——he knew he was treading on thin ice. Some of the audience looked coldly at him and he himself gazed uneasily round to see if anybody was coming. He politely excused his late arrival, saying that he had been kept by a consultation with the management of the Kurhaus about the next Sunday's ball. "Are the combatants present?" he next inquired in official tones. "Then we can begin." Leaning on his stick with his feet crossed he gnawed his soft brown mous- tache with his under lip and made owl eyes to look like a con- noisseur. Jappe and Do Escobar stood up, threw away their cigarettes, and began to prepare for the fray. Do Escobar did it in a hurry, with impressive speed. He threw hat, coat, and waistcoat on the ground, unfastened tie, collar, and braces and added them to the pile. He even drew his rose-coloured shirt out of his trousers, pulled his arms briskly out of the sleeves, and stood up in a red and white striped undershirt which exposed the larger part of his yellow arms, already covered with a thick black fell. "At you service, sir," he said, with a rolling r, stepping into the middle of the ring, expanding his chest and throwing back his shoulders. He still wore the silver bangle. Jappe was not ready yet. He turned his head, elevated his brows, and looked at Do Escobar's feet a moment with narrowed eyes——as much as to say: "Wait a bit——I'll get there too, even if I don't swagger so much." He was broader in the shoulder; but as he took his place beside Do Escobar he seemed nowhere near so fit or athletic. His legs in the tight strapped boots inclined to be knock-kneed and his fit-out was not impressive——grey braces over a yellowed white shirt with loose buttoned sleeves. By con- trast Do Escbar's striped tricot and the black hair on his arms looked uncommonly grim and businesslike. Both were pale but it showed more in Jappe as he was otherwise blond and red-cheeked, with jolly, not-too-refined features including a rather turned-up nose with a saddle of freckles. Do Escobar's nose was short, straight, and drooping and there was a downy black growth on his full upper lip. They stood with hanging arms almost breast to breast, and looked at one another darkly and haughtily in the region of the stomach. They obviously did not know how to begin——and how well I could understand that! A night and half a day had inter- vened since the unpleasantness. They had wanted to fly at each other's throats and had only been held in check by the rules of the game. But they had had time to cool off. To do to order, as it were, before an audience, by appointment, in cold blood, what they had wanted to do yesterday when the fit was on them——it was not the same thing at all. After all, they were not gladiators. They were civilized young men. And in possession of one's senses one has a certain reluctance to smash a sound human body with one's fists. So I thought, and so, very likely, it was. But something had to be done, that honour might be satisfied, so each began to work the other up by hitting him contemptu- ously with the finger-tips on the breast, as though that would be enough to finish him off. And, indeed, Jappe's face began to be distorted with anger—but just at that moment Do Escobar broke off the skirmish. "Pardon," said he, taking two steps backwards and turning aside. He had to tighten the buckle at the back of his trousers, for he was narrow-hipped and in the absence of braces they had begun to slip. He took his position again almost at once, throwing out his chest and saying something in guttural and rattling Spanish, probably to the effect that he was again at Jappe's service. It was clear that he was inordinately vain. The skirmishing with shoulders and buffeting with palms began again. Then unexpectedly there ensued a blind and raging hand- to-hand scuffle with the fists, which lasted three seconds and broke off without notice. "Now they are warming up," said Johnny, sitting next to me with a dry grass in his mouth. "I'll wager Jappe beats him. Look how he keeps squinting over at us——Jappe keeps his mind on his job. Will you bet he won't give him a good hiding?" They had now recoiled and stood, fists on hips, their chests heaving. Both had doubtless taken some punishment, for they both looked angry, sticking out their lips furiously as much as to say: "What do you mean by hurting me like that?" Jappe was red- eyed and Do Escobar showed his white teeth as they fell to again. They were hitting out now with all their strength on shoulders, forearms, and breasts by turns and in quick succession. "That's nothing," Johnny said, with his charming accent. "They won't get anywhere that way, either of them. They must go at it under the chin, with an uppercut to the jaw. That does it." But mean- while Do Escobar had caught both Jappe's arms with his left arm, pressed them as in a vise against his chest, and with his right went on pummelling Jappe's flanks. There was great excitement. "No clinching!" several voices cried out, and people jumped up. Herr Knaak hastened between the combatants, in horror. "You are holding him fast, my dear friend. That is against all the rules." He separated them and again instructed Do Escobar in the regulations. Then he withdrew once more outside the ring. Jappe was obviously in a fury. He was quite white, rubbing his side and looking at Do Escobar with a slow nod that boded no good. When the next round began, his face looked so grim that everybody expected him to deliver a decisive blow. And actually as soon as contact had been renewed Jappe carried out a coup——he practised a feint which he had probably planned beforehand. A thrust with his left caused Do Escobar to protect his head; but as he did so Jappe's right hit him so hard in the stomach that he crumpled forwards and his face took on the colour of yellow wax. "That went home," said Johnny. "That's where it hurts. Maybe now he will pull himself together and take things seri- ously, so as to pay it back." But the blow to the stomach had been too telling, Do Escobar's nerve was visibly shaken. It was clear he could not even clench his fists properly, and his eyes took on a glazed look. However, finding his muscles thus affected, his vanity counselled him to play the agile southron, dancing round the German bear and rendering him desperate by his own dex- terity. He took tiny steps and made all sorts of useless passes, moving round Jappe in little circles and trying to assume an arro- gant smile——which in his reduced condition struck me as really heroic. But it did not upset Jappe at all——he simply turned round on his heel and got in many a good blow with his right while with his left he warded off Do Escobar's feeble attack. But what sealed Do Escobar's fate was that his trousers kept slipping. His tricot shirt even came outside and rucked up, showing a little strip of his bare yellow skin——some of the audience sniggered. But why had he taken off his braces? He would have done better to leave æsthetic considerations on one side. For now his trousers bothered him, they had bothered him during the whole fight. He kept wanting to pull them up and stuff in his shirt, for however much he was punished he could bear it better than the thought that he might be cutting a ridiculous figure. In the end he was fighting with one hand while with the other he tried to put him- self to rights; and thus Jappe was able to land such a blow on his nose that to this day I do not understand why it was not broken. But the blood poured out, and Do Escobar turned and went apart from Jappe, trying with his right hand to stop the bleeding and with his left making an eloquent gesture behind him as he went. Jappe stood there with his knock-kneed legs spread out and waited for Do Escobar to come back. But Do Escobar was finished with the business. If I interpret him aright he was the more civilized of the two and felt that it was high time to call a halt: Jappe would beyond doubt have fought on with his nose bleed- ing; but almost as certainly Do Escobar would equally have re- fused to go on, and he did so with even more conviction in that it was himself that bled. They had made the claret run out of his nose——in his view things should never have been allowed to go so far, devil take it! The blood ran between his fingers onto his clothes, it soiled his light trousers and dripped on his yellow shoes. It was beastly and nothing but beastly——and under such circum- stances he declined to take part in more fighting. It would be inhuman. And his attitude was accepted by the majority of the spec- tators. Herr Knaak came into the ring and declared that the fight was over. Both sides had behaved with distinction. You could see how relieved he felt that the affair had gone off so smoothly. "But neither of them was brought to a fall," said Johnny, surprised and disappointed. However, even Jappe was quite satis- fied to consider the affair as settled. Drawing a long breath he went to fetch his clothes. Everybody generally accepted Herr Knaak's delicate fiction that the issue was a draw. Jappe was con- gratulated, but only surreptitiously; on the other hand some peo- ple lent Do Escobar their handkerchiefs, as his own was soon drenched. And now the cry was for more. Let two other fellows fight. That was the sense of the meeting; Jappe's and Do Escobar's business had taken so little time, hardly ten minutes; since they were all there and it was still quite early something more ought to come. Another pair must enter the arena——whoever wanted to show that he deserved being called a lad of parts. Nobody offered. But why at this summons did my heart begin to beat like a little drum? What I had feared had come to pass: the challenge had become general. Why did I feel as though I had all the time been awaiting this very moment with shivers of delicious anticipation and now when it had come why was I plunged into a whirl of conflicting emotions? I looked at Johnny. Perfectly calm and detached he sat beside me, turned his straw about in his mouth and looked about the ring with a frankly curious air, to see whether a couple of stout chaps would not be found to let their noses be broken for his amusement. Why was it that I had to feel personally challenged to conquer my nervous timidity, to make an unnatural effort and draw all eyes upon my- self by heroically stepping into the ring? In an access of self- consciousness mingled with vanity I was about to raise my hand and offer myself for combat when somewhere in the circle the shout arose: "Herr Knaak ought to fight!" All eyes fastened themselves upon Herr Knaak. I have said that he was walking upon slippery ice in exposing himself to the dan- ger of such a test of his kidney. But he simply answered: "No, thanks, very much——I had enough beatings when I was young." He was safe. He had slipped like an eel out of the trap. How astute of him, to bring in his superiority in years, to imply that at our age he would not have avoided an honourable fight——and that without boasting at all, even making his own words carry irre- sistible conviction by admitting with a disarming laugh at himself that he too had taken beatings in his time. They let him alone. They perceived that it was hard, if not impossible, to bring him to book. "Then somebody must wrestle!" was the next cry. This sug- gestion was not taken up either; but in the midst of the discussion over it (and I shall never forget the painful impression it made) Do Escobar said in his hoarse Spanish voice from behind his gory handkerchief: "Wrestling is for cowards. Only Germans wrestle." It was an unheard of piece of tactlessness, coming from him, and got its reward at once in the capital retort made by Herr Knaak: "Possible," said he. "But it looks as though the Germans know how to give pretty good beatings sometimes too!" He was rewarded by shouts of approving laughter; his whole position was improved, and Do Escobar definitely put down for the day. But it was the general opinion that wrestling was a good deal of a bore, and so various athletic feats were resorted to instead: leap-frog, standing on one's head, handsprings and so on, to fill in the time. "Come on, let's go," said Johnny to Brattström and me, and got up. That was Johnny Bishop for you. He had come to see something real, with the possibility of a bloody issue. But the thing had petered out and so he left. He gave me my first impression of the peculiar superiority of the English character, which later on I came so greatly to admire. 1911 
From Thomas Mann: Stories of Three Decades, Translated from the German by H. T. Lowe-Porter. Copyright, 1930, 1931, 1934, 1935, 1936, by Alfred A. Knopf, Inc. The Modern Library edition, Random House, Inc. pp. 328—339.
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CANADA DAY 150 EVENT THREAD!

Hey /Vancouver,
Here are some events going on for Canada Day. Some may’ve been found in my other threads like “Bands in Town” and “Food Event Threads”, but here it’s all mashed into one and hopefully easily digestible thread. Normally I separate these type of threads by day, but because there is only one Canada Day I’ve separated it by city. Please note if I left out any city (Aldergrove, Abbotsford, Langley, Maple Ridge, and Pitt Meadows) it’s because I’ve deemed you too far away and urge you to come back to civilization.
I know there are events happening all around July 1st and spilling into the 2nd/3rd but… this is only for July 1st.
Burnaby
Canada Day Celebration @ Edmonds Community Centre – FREE
Canada Day Celebrations at the Burnaby Village Museum @ Burnaby Village Museum - FREE
Concert & Fireworks @ Swangard Stadium – FREE
Coquitlam
Celebrating Canada’s 150th Birthday @ Town Centre Park – FREE
Canada Day Skate @ Poirier Sport & Leisure Complex - $2 including rentals
Delta Region
Picnic @ Diefenbaker Park – By Donation
Celebration @ Kirkland House – FREE
Canada Celebration @ Chambers Park – FREE
New Westminister
Canada Day Celebrations @ Queens Park – FREE
Canada Day Celebrations @ River Market – Free
North Vancouver
Canada Day Parade @ Grand Boulevard and 13th Street – Free
Celebrating Canada 150 @ Waterfront Park – Free
Canada Day @ Grouse Mountain - $44.95 – Assuming you need to buy a pass
Port Coquitlam
Pancake Breakfast @ Lion’s Park - Free
Canada 150 Celebration @ Castle Park - Free
Port Moody
City of Port Moody presents Canada Day @ Rocky Point Park – Free
41st Annual Golden Spike Days @ Rocky Point Park – By Donation
Richmond
Canada Day in Steveston @ Steveston Village – Free
Celebrate Canada 150 @ Richmond Nightmarket - $3.75
Surrey
Largest Western Canada Day Celebration @ Bill Reid Millennium Amphitheatre – Free
Senior’s Strawberry Tea @ Cloverdale Recreation Centre – Free
Dominion Days Festival @ Historic Steward Farm – Free
Surrey’s Heritage Rail @ Cloverdale Station - $5, $10, and $15
Vancouver
Canada Day Fireworks at Coal Harbour - Free
Canada Day @ Canada Place – Free
Canada Day Cookout @ Olympic Village - $10 - $59
Disco Party @ IE Creative - Granville Island – FREE
Canada Day Block Party @ Waldorf - $20
*Block Party at the Waldof
Drumming Circle @ Creekside Park – Free
Canada Day @ Sunset Community Centre – Free
Canada Day Britannia Community Services @ Grandview Park – Free
Canada Day Kensington Community Centre @ Renfew Park – Free
Canada Day Run @ Pacific Spirit Park - $40
OWN CANADA DAY @ Caprice - $Free if RSVP
Canada Day @ Royal Canadian Mint – Free
Canada Day @ Robson Street – Free
The Nite Show – Canada Day @ Venue – Free if you’re on the list
Canada Day Boat Party + Fireworks + Dinner + Entertainment @ Abitibi - $70
Canada Day Live Swing and Jazz @ Kino Café – Free
The Ultimate Canada Day and Night Party @ Plaza of Nations - $120 - $180
Poutine Party @ The Cobalt - Free
Canada Day Boat Party @ LCU Nightlife/Plaza of Nations - $35
Minecraft Canada Day @ River District Centre – FREE
Canada Day Pool Party @ Drai’s Beach Club - $25
West Vancouver
Picnic @ John Lawson Park – Free
Celebrate Canada Day @ Horseshoe Bay - Free
submitted by Perdin to vancouver [link] [comments]

Redditors on the PCT Week 12 (June 30)

Hiker Start Location Update
                               
RisingWaterline Mar 19 (N) Yosemite No update
Tloop Mar 24 (N) Donner Pass "Tahoe has proven to be an unexpectedly amazing home base for this trail, however, I think this will be my last stop here for a while so that I can sprint to the finish line..."
Incident_reported Mar 24 (N) Sierra "Another twelve days through the sierras complete. Going in for one more slog through snow!"
Tiger aka samgoeswest Mar 24 (N) Tahoe "Lake Aloha wasn’t quite the paradise as the name suggests. It was like being in the frozen arctics"
Sodee aka Dcoakley Mar 26 (N-S-N) Unknown No Update
Mild Sauce aka anon-9 Apr 01 (N) Unknown No Update
Crush aka Strider8008 Apr 02 (N) Yosemite Enjoying a snow-free side trip to the valley
Spice aka hotncold1994, Link 2 Apr 05 (N) Deadfall Lake "Some days are just honestly kind of boring out here. Today was one of those days."
Shortstack aka Mooyack , Link 2 Apr 05 (N) Etna No current update, still posting backlog of photos from the desert
HikingRogue Apr 07 (N) Burney Trying to avoid the NorCal blues
Sour Patch aka miken1ke Apr 10 (N) Mile 1000 Woohoo!
The Man With No Name Hailing From Parts Unknown aka Fargone Apr 10 (N) Flipping up to NorCal " I am in severe danger of having to start hiking the PCT again shortly."
xylhim Apr 10 (N) Bishop Bought an ice axe in town after doing forester without one. Wise choice!
ComfortableWeight95 Apr 12 (N) Bishop Back in the Sierra after a short road trip
Gusher aka midnightmockingbird Apr 16 (N) Oregon Flipping
innesmck, Link 2, Link 3 Apr 18 (N) Unknown No Update
Blood Orange aka CompassionateSociety, Link 2 Apr 20 (N) Sierra Buttes "The most beautiful place I've ever been, but it comes at a price."
Odin aka Jedimaster1134 Apr 20 (N) Unknown "Happy #BourdainDay to my fellow cooks, adventurers, and those always in search of something tasty to eat. "
Rooster aka Thewambat Apr 20 (N) Stehekin "Washington has been amazingly beautiful every pass has something new to offer"
WalkerCAWalker Apr 21 (N) North Cascades "it’s the company you keep out here that makes the experience truly worth while. "
Squish aka Iamkittyhearmemeow Apr 21 (N) Unknown Naked and proud of it
Spench aka L4marr Apr 21 (N) Lone Pine "Took a little time the other day to visit the film museum in Lone Pine!"
Pickle aka WildernessMermaid Apr 22 (N) Walker Pass "Justin’s Nut Butter’s next elite athlete...."
Honey stick aka Honeystick1 Apr 23 (N) Lone Pine Back on trail after taking some time off
Geo aka nas2012 Apr 23 (N) Unknown No Update
Mushka aka mushka_thorkelson, Link 2 May 01 (N) Yosemite "50 more miles to Sonora Pass! The end of the Sierra looms!"
Droobydoo2 May 05 (N) Lone Pine "my pack has never been heavier, the climbing has never been steeper, and I’ve never felt better."
Shellac aka Joshxotv May 05 (N) Tahoe Hitting up the casinos
Aslan aka Pnwin May 06 (N) Forester Pass Night hiking
Jinx aka majornutmeg May 06 (N) Grumpy Bear's "On trailcation with my husband then heading into the Sierras from KM Sunday!"
Captain Hook aka lifelikebroom3 May 07 (N) Lake of the woods Loving Oregon hiking after flipping up to Ashland
Lost & Found aka L0st_and_Found May 09 (N) Kennedy Meadows No Update
doubledoublemile210, Link 2 May 10 (N) Sierra "The Sierra feels like home. We haven’t hit the sketchy parts yet though."
Trashalope aka Stretch18 May 10 (N) Kennedy Meadows "Swapping the desert for snowy mountains and changing up gear for the Sierra."
Thirty-Five aka flaneurjacques May 10 (N) Mile 1029 Some great astrophotography on his instagram
Game Boy aka Sharp_LR35902 May 10 (N) Whitney Sunrise summit!
thatonehikerdude May 11 (N) Bishop Bagging peaks like crazy
PositivDenken May 14 (N) Kearsarge "After quite some undisclosed drama over at Forester, Kearsarge was really enjoyable and has some beautiful lakes nearby. "
Pumper aka QuinoaKangaroo May 14 (N) Kearsarge "Dad met us with BBQ and shuttled us to Bishop!"
Double Plush aka ImOnFiyah, Link 2 May 14 (N) Baden-Powell " Through ups and downs we went, becoming stronger with each mile we hiked together. I love my trail family."
Mac aka HalfwayAnywhere May 15 (N) Unknown Back on trail after a trip to Denver
Star Trek aka WelcomeAnyChange, Link 2 May 15 (N) Tehachapi No Update
Sour Patch aka Masterjp33 May 15 (N) Unknown No Update
Sir_Humphrey May 21 (N) Unknown "Hazy Dayz"
Kua Bay aka IamNaN_AMA May 22 (N) Off Trail Hitting some casino buffets in Vegas while waiting for the snow to melt
AK aka Anthonyeking Jun 01 (N) Lassen "...the best day of hiking I'd had in a long time & we were making good miles with no trouble. It was a beautiful moment. .."
[singlehander] Jun 17 (S) N/A On trail soon!
rowan_pnw Jun 19 (N) N/A On trail soon!
Madismalls Jun 20 (S) Northern Terminus "I have been consumed by this dream for years now, and finally I am doing it. I am full of love/hate/awe/pain/happiness/anguish/pride/exhaustion/adrenaline... "
Mr_ManBearPig Jun 20 (S) Stehekin "Washington tried to break us in our first 100 miles. It precipitated everything from snow to sleet to hail to rain every day, sometimes seemingly non-stop. "
Wbh2015 Jun 20 (N) N/A On trail soon!
[ThruAlt] Jun 20 (S) N/A On trail soon!
Reptar aka Reptarhikes Jun 21 (N) Donner Pass Trying to kick a cold
Laurk Jun 25 (S) N/A On trail soon!
The Milk Man aka DirtyMikentheboyz Jun 28 (S) N/A On trail soon!
KelCGrammare Jul 01 (S) N/A On trail soon!
[benjk95] Jul 03 (N) N/A On trail soon!
trifflec Jul 03 (S) N/A On trail soon!
susanne4367 Jul 04 (S) N/A On trail soon!
Connor aka u/ck8lake Jul 05 (S) N/A On trail soon!
bird aka muirsoul Jul 07 (S) N/A On trail soon!
Heart Eyes aka ughguh Jul 07 (S) N/A On trail soon!
Ntribbia Jul 12 (S) N/A On trail soon!
[Behemoth aka mountainmarmot](TBD) Jul 13 (S) N/A On trail soon!
Koolaid aka Roundthatcorner Jul 17 (S) N/A On trail soon!
submitted by mvia4 to PacificCrestTrail [link] [comments]

What's happening around town (Wed, Jun 12th - Tue, Jun 18th)

Tulsa's event list.

Ongoing

Wednesday, Jun 12th

  • 😂 BT (Loony Bin - Tulsa) Thru Sun, Jun 16th
  • 🎓 Chenoweth Arts Educators Professional Development (Broken Arrow Performing Arts Center - Broken Arrow) Start Time: 1:30pm Kristin Chenoweth would like to invite you to a free arts educators professional development session on Wednesday, June 12, 2019 from 1:30 pm to 3:00 pm....
  • Godspell (Broken Arrow Community Playhouse - Broken Arrow) Thru Sun, Jun 16th Broken Arrow Community Playhouse presents "Godspell," written by John Michael-Tebelak with music composed by…

Thursday, Jun 13th

  • Tulsa Balloon Festival (Tulsa Airpark - Tulsa) Thru Sun, Jun 16th Don't miss the Tulsa International Balloon Festival for high-flying fun over the Tulsa Airpark. This multi-day…
  • 😂 BT (Loony Bin - Tulsa) Thru Sun, Jun 16th
  • Citizen Cope presented by Z-104.5 The Edge (Cain's Ballroom - Tulsa) Start Time: 6:30pm Z104.5 The Edge Presents Citizen Cope ON SALE FRI APR 05 10:00 AM CDT This event is all ages Delivery of Print at Home / Mobile tickets will be...
  • Godspell (Broken Arrow Community Playhouse - Broken Arrow) Thru Sun, Jun 16th Broken Arrow Community Playhouse presents "Godspell," written by John Michael-Tebelak with music composed by…
  • HAYSTAK w/ Statik G (The Shrine - Tulsa) Start Time: 9:00pm
  • MIX First Round Party (Philbrook Downtown - Tulsa) Start Time: 5:30pm
  • Sprouts anti hero EP Release w/ Dusty Grant (Blackbird On Pearl - Tulsa) Start Time: 9:00pm
  • Trace Adkins in Concert (Hard Rock Hotel & Casino Tulsa - Catoosa) Travel to The Joint at Hard Rock Hotel & Casino Tulsa to see country music superstar Trace Adkins live onstage. Known…

Friday, Jun 14th

  • Tulsa Balloon Festival (Tulsa Airpark - Tulsa) Thru Sun, Jun 16th Don't miss the Tulsa International Balloon Festival for high-flying fun over the Tulsa Airpark. This multi-day…
  • 😂 BT (Loony Bin - Tulsa) Thru Sun, Jun 16th
  • The Classless (The Vanguard - Tulsa) Start Time: 8:00pm
  • Crayons Improv Comedy Show (Heritage United Methodist Church - Broken Arrow) Get ready to laugh at this family-friendly, improvised comedy show. Crayons Improv uses audience suggestions, participation…
  • Film on the Lawn: Field of Dreams (Philbrook Downtown - Tulsa) Start Time: 6:00pm Friday, June 14, 6:00 PM If you build it, they will come. Our 2019 #FILMSONTHELAWN season continues with FIELD OF DREAMS. Ray Kinsella hears a voice...
  • Friday Night Test N Tune (Tulsa Raceway Park - Tulsa) Start Time: 6:00pm
  • Friday Night Trivia at Fair Meadows (Expo Square - Tulsa) Start Time: 6:00pm
  • Godspell (Broken Arrow Community Playhouse - Broken Arrow) Thru Sun, Jun 16th Broken Arrow Community Playhouse presents "Godspell," written by John Michael-Tebelak with music composed by…
  • Joseph Pulitzer: Voice Of The People w/Gilcrease Museum (The Gilcrease Museum - Tulsa) Start Time: 7:00pm
  • Josh Sallee w/ Saganomitcs (Blackbird On Pearl - Tulsa) Start Time: 9:00pm
  • Kidz Bop - Upgrade Meet & Greet Packages (BOK Center - Tulsa) Start Time: 7:00pm
  • 🎭 KIDZ BOP World Tour 2019 (BOK Center - Tulsa) Start Time: 7:00pm
  • Relay for Life (University of Tulsa - Tulsa) Cheer on Relay for Life participants while participating in plenty of fun activities planned for the night. This empowering…

Saturday, Jun 15th

  • 🏃 11th Annual Renal Run\u0099 5K (River West Festival Park - Tulsa) Tulsa's BEST Father's Day Event! Created in honor of retired TPD Sgt. Michael J. Garner, who battled renal cell carcinoma for 10 years, our mission is to raise renal health awareness and support patients living with kidney cancer and kidney disease in Northeastern Oklahoma.
    5:00 AM - Race Day Registration Opens 7:00 AM - 1 Mile Fun Run…
  • Arius w/ Decadon, 2FAC3D & Trixx (IDL Ballroom - Tulsa) Start Time: 9:00pm Headliner: ARIUS Main Support: Decadon Special Guest: 2FAC3D Opener: Trixx
  • Tulsa Balloon Festival (Tulsa Airpark - Tulsa) 1 day left Don't miss the Tulsa International Balloon Festival for high-flying fun over the Tulsa Airpark. This multi-day…
  • Bravo Delta (The Vanguard - Tulsa) Start Time: 8:00pm
  • 😂 BT (Loony Bin - Tulsa) 1 day left
  • 🏃 "Crazy Socks" Run (Inola) Please join us for the Annual "Crazy Socks" Run (Inola Run for St Jude), one of the only 8K races NE Oklahoma! Great out and back, fast and flat, USATF Sanctioned course! Featuring overall and age group awards, snacks, drinks, and great prizes.
  • 🎭 The Drunkard and the Olio (Tulsa Spotlight Theatre - Tulsa) Start Time: 7:30pm
  • 🎭 Eddie Izzard (Brady Theater - Tulsa) Start Time: 8:00pm
  • Ford Shelby Meet (Tulsa Raceway Park - Tulsa) Start Time: 6:00pm
  • Fortuna Tulsa vs SouthStar FC (ONEOK Field - Tulsa) Cheer Fortuna Tulsa on to victory as this Women's Premier Soccer League team faces regional opponents. Fortuna…
  • Godspell (Broken Arrow Community Playhouse - Broken Arrow) 1 day left Broken Arrow Community Playhouse presents "Godspell," written by John Michael-Tebelak with music composed by…
  • John Cusack - Say Anything (Cox Business Center - Tulsa) Start Time: 7:30pm The 1989 comedy/drama Say Anything brought popular culture the love story of Lloyd Dobler (actor John Cusack) and Diane Court (actress Ione Skye). An eternal optimist seeks the heart of a brain trapped in the body of a game show hostess. Ranked by Entertainment Weekly as one of the greatest modern movie romances (and #11 on the list of 50 best…
  • Kendall Whittier Mercado (Kendall-Whittier - Tulsa) Twice a month from May to October, scope out handmade goods and unique art on display at the Kendall Whittier Mercado in…
  • Kenny Loggins in Concert (Osage Event Center - Tulsa) Don't miss twelve-time platinum American singer-songwriter and guitarist Kenny Loggins live onstage at the Osage Casino…
  • 🎭 Kristi Awards! (Broken Arrow Performing Arts Center - Broken Arrow) Start Time: 7:30pm Don't miss this fantastic show featuring our Broadway star faculty and the Kristin Chenoweth Boot Camp kids as they perform their end of camp awards...
  • Oklahoma Dressage Society Show (Claremore Expo Center - Claremore) Day 1 of 2 Attend the Oklahoma Dressage Society Show at Claremore Expo Center for a pool of equestrian talent. See riders and horses…
  • Oklahoma Gun Show (Expo Square - Tulsa) Day 1 of 2 The Oklahoma Gun Show at Expo Square in Tulsa is sure to have the products you are looking for with a wide selection of…
  • 🏃 Purple Stride - Oklahoma 2019 (Veterans Park - Tulsa) When you Wage Hope at PurpleStride Oklahoma 2019, the walk to end pancreatic cancer, you join a vibrant community of survivors, impacted families, loved ones, researchers and advocates committed to rewriting the future of this deadly disease. Come out and stride with us!
    Run/Walk starts at 8:30
    USATF Certified course
    Timing by I:40 Race…
  • Rose District Farmers Market (Rose District Plaza - Broken Arrow) Thru Sat, Oct 26th Start Time: 8:00am different music, events, and guests, each week
  • Tulsa Roughnecks FC vs El Paso Locomotive FC (ONEOK Field - Tulsa) Support the Tulsa Roughnecks FC professional soccer team as they take on El Paso Locomotive FC at ONEOK Field in Tulsa.…
  • Shamarr Allen (The Shrine - Tulsa) Start Time: 9:00am
  • 🏃 Trail Nut 5K (Turkey Mountain - Tulsa) Are you a Trail Nut? Join us at Turkey Mountain Urban Wilderness Area and get a little nutty! You can choose to do the 5K or 1 Mile - both races are timed with Finisher Medals! You can also "double" the nuttiness by completing both race distances!

Sunday, Jun 16th

  • Tulsa Balloon Festival (Tulsa Airpark - Tulsa) Last Day Don't miss the Tulsa International Balloon Festival for high-flying fun over the Tulsa Airpark. This multi-day…
  • 😂 BT (Loony Bin - Tulsa) Last Day
  • Funday Sunday (FREE Admission) (The Gilcrease Museum - Tulsa) Start Time: 10:00am The third Sunday of every month is Funday Sunday. It’s a FREE admission day loaded with fun for the whole family. Visitors can enjoy art-making stations...
  • Godspell (Broken Arrow Community Playhouse - Broken Arrow) Last Day Broken Arrow Community Playhouse presents "Godspell," written by John Michael-Tebelak with music composed by…
  • Oklahoma Dressage Society Show (Claremore Expo Center - Claremore) Day 2 of 2 Attend the Oklahoma Dressage Society Show at Claremore Expo Center for a pool of equestrian talent. See riders and horses…
  • Oklahoma Gun Show (Expo Square - Tulsa) Day 2 of 2 The Oklahoma Gun Show at Expo Square in Tulsa is sure to have the products you are looking for with a wide selection of…

Monday, Jun 17th

Tuesday, Jun 18th

  • Tulsa Drillers vs Frisco RoughRiders (ONEOK Field - Tulsa) 1 day left Come experience the thrill of the game as the Tulsa Drillers go head to head with the Frisco RoughRiders. The Drillers…
  • Fiddler on the Roof (Tulsa Performing Art Center - Tulsa) Thru Sun, Jun 23rd "Fiddler on the Roof," the Tony Award-winning musical that has captured people's hearts with its universal…
  • 🍴 Jazz Night (The Gilcrease Museum - Tulsa) Start Time: 5:30pm This quarter’s Jazz Night will take place in our beautiful Vista Room featuring a live jazz performance. The evening will also offer a buffet dinner from...
  • The " Pearl " Jam aka Community Sound (Blackbird On Pearl - Tulsa) Start Time: 9:00pm
  • Peter Frampton in Concert (Hard Rock Hotel & Casino Tulsa - Catoosa) Catch a living legend live when Peter Frampton comes to the The Joint at Hard Rock Hotel & Casino Tulsa for a very…
  • Tuesdays in the Park (Central Park - Broken Arrow) Make it a summer to remember with Tuesdays in the Park, a family-friendly musical event that features area bands and…
  • 🎓 USAOK Wrestling Junior National Duals (Cox Business Center - Tulsa) Thru Sat, Jun 22nd Start Time: 8:00am

See Also

submitted by tulsanewsbot to tulsa [link] [comments]

What's Happening in CT - 5/11-5/13

Friday, May 11th:
 
Saturday, May 12th:
 
Sunday, May 13th:
 
27 Ways to Treat Your Mom This Mother’s Day in CT - CT Weekender
submitted by SheCalledMePaul to Connecticut [link] [comments]

The tweets of Wilford Woodruff

Since Ol' Woody has been mentioned in several threads here of late I'm adding a story about him and a list of his tweets created by an exmo, Book of Mordor.
The Tweets of Wilford Woodruff
Introduction
At the end of an artfully concealed passageway within the F (First Presidency's) Vault at Granite Mountain can be found a hidden trap door leading to a secret sub-basement. Using my special set of skills, I had navigated my way into this forgotten room. I passed by the Liahona, the Sword of Laban, what looked like a Jaredite-barge shining stone thingy, and the head of Shiz in a jar; these trifles were not the reason for my dangerous and clandestine visit. I found myself sweating and mopped my face with the nearby Title of Liberty.
In the far corner of the sub-basement, I spotted an opening in the floor. Creeping over for a closer look, I beheld a spiral staircase winding endlessly down into the abyssal blackness. Eldritch symbols and unsettling images were engraved upon its cold steps, but I knew that I must descend, for the mysterious Fat Man had insisted there was no other way. My flashlight flickered and I hoped that I had inserted alkaline batteries instead of the cheap regular ones.
At length, I arrived at the nethermost alcove below the mountain. And there! next to the casks of Amontillado I spied the prize and object of my search: a small locked wooden box. But not just any box, for it contained a priceless artifact. I promptly seized the box and got the hell out of there.
Returning to my room at the Crystal Inn Hotel in Murray, I brought out the key which had proven so difficult to procure. If you can recall that one "Pirates" scene with Will Turner and a sleeping Davy Jones at the organ, you get the idea. But that tale I dare not relate in full. Suffice it to say that the telling would cause men to weep and women to giggle.
My hand trembled as the key turned and the lock clicked open. I slowly raised the lid and at last gazed with wonder on that for which I had risked all. With my heart pounding, I removed it, and so I now hold...the Flash Drive of the Prophets.
The Flash Drive of the Prophets! Naught but rumors and whispers can be heard about it from the wizened merchants who lurk in the dark recesses of City Creek Center. To think that I am now in possession of it is almost more than I can bear. But I must make haste, and share what I can of the supernal treasures stored on it. And so I present to you, dear readers, the Tweets of Wilford Woodruff.
@Big_Ol_Woody - Getting dunked a mormon in a few. Gonna be an #IceBath, f**king freezing!!! 10:48 AM Ð 31 Dec 1833
@Big_Ol_Woody - @ParleyPPratt says I have 2 go 2 some podunk place called Kirtland. Pratt's a horse's @$$ control freak. Why do I have this urge 2 run? 3:41 PM Ð 1 Apr 1834
@Big_Ol_Woody - Meeting the big guy @JosephSmithJr now. Hairy dude. Whats up w/ all the girls & can I get some? 11:22 AM Ð 25 Apr 1834
@Big_Ol_Woody - Showed JS a leg bone & arrowhead. He's #OffHisMeds, starts on about a white Indian named Zelph. Great prophet Onandagus, I call bulls**t. 1:14 PM Ð 3 Jun 1834
@Big_Ol_Woody - Mission, WTF?!? No one told me that! #BaitAndSwitch 10:58 AM Ð 11 Nov 1834
@Big_Ol_Woody - Movin on up, in the 1Q70 now. Gonna get small folks 2 #PaintMyHouse 4 me. ROFL! 12:39 PM Ð 3 Jan 1837
@Big_Ol_Woody - Got me some action at last ABOUT TIME! Phoebe's 30 like me not a babe but I'll take it. JS promised me a bunch more later haha. 8:03 AM Ð 14 Apr 1837
@Big_Ol_Woody - Another mission?! Finally getting laid & have 2 leave again, whats wrong w/ u ppl? 11:40 AM Ð 9 May 1837
@Big_Ol_Woody - Made APOSTLE 2day! JACKPOT!! I'm famous, u must all BOW DOWN BE4 ME! 3:11 PM Ð 26 Apr 1839
@Big_Ol_Woody - Another fking mission. England this time. Fk. 8:46 AM Ð 8 Aug 1839
@Big_Ol_Woody - Dunked 600 chumps past 6 wks. @JohnTaylor had the idea, calls it #CricketBaptisms. Seems 2 work. 11:17 PM Ð 10 Apr 1840
@Big_Ol_Woody - Seeing Phoebe soon, YES! Horny as all s**t, have 2 make up 4 lost time. 9:43 AM Ð 2 Jun 1841
@Big_Ol_Woody - JS showed me the "Urem&Thumem" (sp?) 2day. Just a f**king rock but had 2 make a HUGE deal like OMG! OMG, faint! LOL!! Rube. 7:09 PM Ð 27 Dec 1841
@Big_Ol_Woody - Goofy s**t around here starting 2 get 2 me. Seeing stream of light in sky shaped like sword. Must be going crazy. 8:21 PM Ð 10 Mar 1843
@Big_Ol_Woody - Oh my head. F**king sky sword changed in2 a ring w/ balls of light inside. JS says sky sword means big war coming. #NauvooMadHouse 9:12 PM Ð 14 Mar 1843
@Big_Ol_Woody - BIG DAY 2DAY GETTIN MY SECOND ANOINTING ON!!! #GoldenTicket #IGotMine 10:02 AM Ð 28 Jan 1844
@Big_Ol_Woody - Moved in2 new house yesterday. Got it "broken in" last nite w/ Phoebe heh. Life = good. 8:31 AM Ð 5 Mar 1844
@Big_Ol_Woody - Another mission ARE YOU F**KING KIDDING ME??? Want 2 kick JS in the nutz. #LoserTyrant 4:04 PM Ð 6 May 1844
@Big_Ol_Woody - OHHH S**T reading in Boston paper JS shot, killed. Bet that SOB Young is gonna try 2 take over. Not good. Need 2 get drunk fast. 3:50 PM Ð 9 Jul 1844
@Big_Ol_Woody - Its over. #TheBrigham is prez now. Every1 else kissed butt so couldn't say anything. Have 2 play nice. F**k we're doomed. 2:57 PM Ð 8 Aug 1844
@Big_Ol_Woody - Another mission 2 #Europe but it's OK this time b/c I'm MP now & can order every1 around. #HastenTheWork serfs!! 12:25 PM Ð 12 Aug 1844
@Big_Ol_Woody - Back in Nauvoo again WhereTF is every1? Half the town gone. Oh well got 2 run home I have DEEP blue balls LOL! 3:33 PM Ð 13 Apr 1846
@Big_Ol_Woody - Some army jerkwad wants volunteers 4 #MexicanWar. F**k that. Where were u earlier? Passed buck up 2 #TheBrigham. 11:20 AM Ð 26 Jun 1846
@Big_Ol_Woody - Marrying 3 chix 2day have #HaremOf4 SWEEEET!! Mary A's 28 Mary C's 17 Sarah's 18 & I can hardly wait! Phoebe not happy TFB. 8:44 AM Ð 2 Aug 1846
@Big_Ol_Woody - Teenage wives a pain, want guys their own age. Can't figure it out. BE GONE YE HARLOTS! Just the 2 wifeys 4 now. 10:55 AM Ð 29 Aug 1846
@Big_Ol_Woody - OW FK A TREE JUST FELL ON ME FK GODDAM S**T THAT HURTS OW OW 2:27 PM Ð 15 Oct 1846
@Big_Ol_Woody - Both wives preg, always complaining about something SHUT IT! Leaving em 2 each other 4 female bonding. ROAD TRIP YEAH!! 4:06 PM Ð 5 Apr 1847
@Big_Ol_Woody - This place is a dump, total #ForsakenWasteland. Deseret my @$$. BY = idiot. 9:56 AM Ð 24 Jul 1847
@Big_Ol_Woody - Climbing a mountain 2day. Full suit tie & vest. Fk I'm hot tired & #NeedABath. It's never enough is it BY? Never fking enough. Ever. 12:34 PM Ð 26 Jul 1847
I have been discovered. My actions here have alerted the Strengthening Church Members Committee. Even as I write I can hear Danite footsteps echoing in the hall. I must escape. Brethren, hasta ma–ana.
Praise Darwin, I have outwitted my foes. Oaks' Blokes chased me down the fire stairs and into the hotel lobby, but I threw down some banana peels upon which they slipped and fell. My northern and eastern escape routes were too heavily guarded, and Wendover is a hole. I have turned south and found refuge in Santaquin, but cannot linger.
@Big_Ol_Woody - F**ked up dream, prob drank 2 much #barleycorn. Saw JS & a lot of ppl in white robes making crowns. Have 2 get off the stuff. 2:17 AM Ð 16 Mar 1848
@Big_Ol_Woody - Mary A divorcing me 2morrow WTF is going on? Not like I've been away from home neglecting her, oh wait I did. All right go then. S**t. 1:51 PM Ð 10 May 1848
@Big_Ol_Woody - Have 2 tell BY I need women 2 #LiveUp2Privileges. Down 2 only Phoebe since last divorce, not enough. Must find #PerkyBoobs soon. 10:03 AM Ð 16 Mar 1852
@Big_Ol_Woody - S**t, have 2 marry this widow named Mary, she's 48. Older than me. Guess #TheBrigham is pissed at me. Need 2 brown nose again. 9:26 PM Ð 27 Mar 1852
@Big_Ol_Woody - Mary died 2day so just 1 wife again. We can #KeepEmComing tho. Have another picked out already, Clarissa's 17. 6:16 PM Ð 3 Oct 1852
@Big_Ol_Woody - #TheBrigham dedicating #SLTemple site, droning on & on & on. Will NOT close pie hole. Want 2 go home, drink #beer. 11:41 AM Ð 14 Feb 1853
@Big_Ol_Woody - Bad luck w/ teens, Clarissa divorced me 2. Trying again 2day w/ 2 new hotties, Emma 15 & Sarah 19. I'm 46 haha. SCORE. 8:28 AM Ð 13 Mar 1853
@Big_Ol_Woody - Off again, have 2 travel across the fking country 2 buy st 4 the #DeseretAlphabet. Just another wild hair out of BY's @$$. 9:02 AM Ð 3 Mar 1856
@Big_Ol_Woody - Addressed bumpkins in conf 2day in favor of #handcart ops. All have 2 back #TheBrigham on this or else. #NoConscience 3:23 PM Ð 6 Oct 1856
@Big_Ol_Woody - Promised hayseeds some would be alive 4 return of #TenTribes & give em endowments. Never know what the f**k I'm talking about. 1:57 PM Ð 22 Feb 1857
@Big_Ol_Woody - OH: @JamesBuchanan 2 send in US Army. ROFLMAO!! #BringItOn, Prez! We shall summon mighty earthquakes 2 swallow you up!! 12:08 PM Ð 24 Jul 1857
@Big_Ol_Woody - Another wife 2day! 9th overall but 4th staying. Hard 2 keep track. Sarah Delight's just 19 say hi 2 Mr. Woodruff! #DelightMe 11:01 AM Ð 31 Jul 1857
@Big_Ol_Woody - @JohnDLee ran in 2day shouting about #MountainMeadows something? Said Indians killed ppl. Yawn. BFD, need 2 get ready 4 army. 3:47 PM Ð 29 Sep 1857
@Big_Ol_Woody - Spoke 2day in the Tab, said #God progressing in knowledge & power. Crowd ate it up, go figure. These dips**ts believe everything. 2:24 PM Ð 6 Dec 1857
@Big_Ol_Woody - Running away 2 Provo since army's almost here. Expected #God 2 send down useful s**t like #FlamingAngels but nope. #WhatElseIsNew 9:05 AM Ð 7 Apr 1858
@Big_Ol_Woody - Yeah right wool. Nothin better 2 wear in CK huh Heber u jackhole? RT @HeberCKimball: Peter wore wool when he came 2 Kirtland temple 3:46 PM Ð 9 Feb 1862
@Big_Ol_Woody - Emma ready 2 pop any day, Delight 3 mo along. Sarah's turn 2 receive some laying on of hands & gift of the holy spurt haha. 6:58 PM Ð 29 Jan 1863
@Big_Ol_Woody - Prophesied Albany 2 be destroyed by fire, Boston by tidal wave, NYC by quake. BY stood up & agreed. We're just makin it all up as we go. 4:12 PM Ð 21 Aug 1863
@Big_Ol_Woody - Emma & Delight WAY preggers & HUUUGE, Sarah busy nursing kid last 8 mo, Phoebe's 61, nowhere 2 go 4 sugar. 2:35 PM Ð 13 Jul 1868
@Big_Ol_Woody - Have 2 put up w/ this batst EVERY SINGLE FKING DAY around here. RT @BrighamYoung: #Sun & #Moon are inhabited 5:00 PM Ð 24 Jul 1870
@Big_Ol_Woody - Think I finally did it, 3 wives prego at same time. D*ck is sore tho & G's rub against it fierce. #NoSpermLeft, balls shrunk 2 pea size. 10:42 PM Ð 21 Nov 1872
@Big_Ol_Woody - OH: rumor #PolandAct passed by @Congress yesterday, easier 2 prosecute plyg. We will DIE be4 we abandon plyg!!! #NoSurrender 10:29 AM Ð 24 Jun 1874
@Big_Ol_Woody - Got the shaft again. I'm older than Taylor, next in line but fking Q12 jumped him ahead of me just b/c he was ordained 1st. Hate u fks. 1:48 PM Ð 10 Apr 1875
@Big_Ol_Woody - Talked again about #TenTribes coming soon. Might even convince myself of this s**t someday. #NotGonnaHappen 2:45 PM Ð 24 Jun 1875
@Big_Ol_Woody - Told everybody 2day that #Millennium is dawning soon blah blah. Would be amazed if anything I said ever actually happened. 3:31 PM Ð 12 Sep 1875
@Big_Ol_Woody - Meeting w/ @UlyssesSGrant, as usual #TheBrigham is boring the living s**t out of the Prez. Put a sock in it 4 once u douche. 10:18 AM Ð 3 Oct 1875
@Big_Ol_Woody - BY said 2 write temple s**t down. Started last Nov u dumb coot. Will make this crapola all scary weird w/ #BloodOaths 2 freak ppl out haha. 12:32 PM Ð 14 Jan 1877
@Big_Ol_Woody - Think BY likes me b/c he's giving me his daughter Eudora 2morrow. She's 24 & OK I guess. Can't do s**t at 70 tho. 5:22 PM Ð 9 Mar 1877
@Big_Ol_Woody - #TheBrigham doesnt like me after all, I get now why he dumped his daughter on me. Well played BY. 11:14 AM Ð 11 Mar 1877
@Big_Ol_Woody - You'll NEVER believe this!! Bunch of ghosts in wigs just showed up in SG Temple! G-Wash, T-Jef, B-Frank, all of em! OMG SICK!!! 12:56 PM Ð 19 Aug 1877
@Big_Ol_Woody - Now they're all #BooHoo about no temple work 4 em yet. Waited soooo long wah wah wah. Scuse us guys we've been busy. 12:59 PM Ð 19 Aug 1877
@Big_Ol_Woody - Introducing themselves 1 by 1. BORRRING. U signed #DeclarationOfIndependence? Never heard of most of these ppl. Who are all u jokers?? 1:07 PM Ð 19 Aug 1877
@Big_Ol_Woody - Button Gwinet? (sp?) WTF stupid name is Button? Wait til I tell BY's kid Mahonri Moriancumer Young, he'll die laughing. Button, ROFL!! 2:21 PM Ð 19 Aug 1877
I hear voices in the distance, shouts of "Oh, fetch!" coming closer. How did they find me so quickly? Into the night once more. Brethren, peace out.
Again I have survived. The fools really ought to remove their sunglasses at night, but it seems to be against the rules. They left only the chauffeur to guard their car, a custom 2013 Bentley Mulsanne bearing the license plate "MONSON6." (How many does he have?) I dispatched the poor fellow using a can of Mountain Dew heavily laced with Ex-Lax, then drove away. I exited the interstate at Nephi, later abandoned the Bentley in Milford and have made my way to Minersville. I should be safe here. No one has ever visited this town.
@Big_Ol_Woody - It's T-Jef by himself this time. Looks uncomfortable, says something about wants 2 marry #SallyHemings? I say IDK, need more info. 10:34 AM Ð 20 Aug 1877
@Big_Ol_Woody - OK get this. So I pray & see Sally! HOLY S**T SMOKIN HOT!!! I get an idea, play cool, say sorry no, #CurseOfCain etc. He's sad & goes. 10:38 AM Ð 20 Aug 1877
@Big_Ol_Woody - TJ's back. I offer 2 swap my 3rd, 4th & 6th wives 2 him 4 Sally. Don't fess up these 3 divorced me haha. He says he'll get back 2 me. 1:19 PM Ð 20 Aug 1877
@Big_Ol_Woody - Can u f*king BELIEVE IT?!? #SelfishGhost said *NO 2 my trade!! T-JEF IS AN A-HOLE!!! #IWantSally 3:53 PM Ð 20 Aug 1877
@Big_Ol_Woody - Got dunking done 4 all these dead guys & a few more. Got water up my nose LOL! #Columbus will be sooo grateful 2 me! 7:30 PM Ð 21 Aug 1877
@Big_Ol_Woody - Just woke up from dream about Sally H, look down & ewwww gross!!! Long time since that happened, didn't know I still could haha! 1:16 AM Ð 25 Aug 1877
@Big_Ol_Woody - BIG news! BY finally kicked it, seemed that tool would never go! Guess that HOT @AnnElizaWebb broke his heart. Annie #TelegraphMe anytime!! 11:57 PM Ð 29 Aug 1877
@Big_Ol_Woody - At funeral of #TheBrigham, now I'm 1 step closer 2 prez. Snoozefest, bored 2 tears. Have 2 speak later, hope I can stay awake. 10:24 AM Ð 2 Sep 1877
@Big_Ol_Woody - Eudora had son yesterday but he died. Time 2 visit Emma 4 replacement. Delight 7 mo preg wonder if she's OK haha. 8:29 AM Ð 2 Apr 1878
@Big_Ol_Woody - got 2 run n hide the us marshals r after me that bch eudora divorced me n ratted me out 2 the govt why do all these bches turn on me? 7:43 PM Ð 7 Feb 1879
@Big_Ol_Woody - Beware O Earth 4 the Hour of the Judgment of #God is Upon U! Seriously! I'm Not Kidding This Time, I Really Really Mean It!! 5:13 AM Ð 26 Jan 1880
@Big_Ol_Woody - Q12 droolers took my Jan nutter ramblings as the Word of #TheLord so it's official #revelation. Shaking my head, it's a #circus here. 4:48 PM Ð 4 Apr 1880
@Big_Ol_Woody - Talking on #SignsOfTimes, this generation 2 see return of JC blah blah blah. Have 2 keep it going til the gomers wise up 2 us. 3:17 PM Ð 3 Jul 1880
@Big_Ol_Woody - Telegram: Prez @ChesterAArthur signed #EdmundsAct yesterday. #TheLord shall PROTECT US as w/ FIRE ye MINIONS OF SATAN!!! 10:11 AM Ð 25 Mar 1882
@Big_Ol_Woody - Saw CK mansions in dream last nite, the best #HeavenlyArchitects were building em. Must be getting f**king senile or something. 6:06 AM Ð 30 Dec 1882
@Big_Ol_Woody - Have 2 go on the run again, gettin 2 old 4 this st. What a fking joke, not like I'm boning any1, #CantGetItUp w/ a pulley. 8:14 AM Ð 14 Jan 1885
@Big_Ol_Woody - GEO EDMUNDS & JOHN TUCKER BY THE POWER OF THE P/H IN THE NAME OF J-C I SENTENCE U BOTH 2 INSTANT DEATH & ETERNAL DAMNATION IN OUTER DARKNESS 10:59 AM Ð 14 Jan 1887
@Big_Ol_Woody - Did it work? 8:41 PM Ð 15 Jan 1887
@Big_Ol_Woody - F**k me we are so screwed 11:28 AM Ð 17 Jan 1887
@Big_Ol_Woody - OH: Taylor died yesterday so I'm prez now. Super, just f**king splendid. Can't even go 2 #outhouse w/ out being arrested. 1:15 PM Ð 26 Jul 1887
@Big_Ol_Woody - Put my foot in it again. Prophesied that SS & MIA kids in audience 2 live 2 see #SecondComing. I'll be long dead by then #SoSueMe. 11:03 AM Ð 29 Jul 1889
@Big_Ol_Woody - Ridiculous horses**t, surrounded by cretins. RT @OrsonFWhitney: JS: #TowerOfBabel built 2 reach #CityOfEnoch suspended in midair 10:37 PM Ð 22 Sep 1889
@Big_Ol_Woody - Another #revelation from #God hooray! Not going 2 give up plyg 2 become state. #TheKingdom doesn't take terms it makes em. 10:36 PM Ð 24 Nov 1889
@Big_Ol_Woody - Telegram: @SupremeCourt upheld #EdmundsTucker. #God promised 2 fight our f**king battles but chucked us, what a surprise. 9:44 AM Ð 20 May 1890
@Big_Ol_Woody - Time 2 give up plyg. Need 2 make up some [email protected]$$ excuse 4 blowhards like BY & Kimball & Pratt etc. Thx a heap #God big help u were. 1:54 PM Ð 24 Sep 1890
@Big_Ol_Woody - Have 2 #TapDance 4 every1 about why we caved after 50 yrs of big bulls**t CK promises & brave talk of US collapse. #EpicFail 9:49 AM Ð 6 Oct 1890
@Big_Ol_Woody - It's good. Said more crap about never leading the church astray, remove out of our place blah blah. Will all #BlowOverSoon, plebs wont remember. 11:10 AM Ð 6 Oct 1890
@Big_Ol_Woody - @JosephFSmith asked 4 chat w/ son J Fielding 2day his 15 bday. #WeirdKid if u ask me. Arrogant little f**k, not 2 sharp, kinda creepy. 1:42 PM Ð 19 Jul 1891
@Big_Ol_Woody - Dedicating #SLTemple 2day, hosanna, hosanna barf. Have #hangover, feel like s**t, might need #coffee 2 stay sharp haha. 9:19 AM Ð 6 Apr 1893
@Big_Ol_Woody - Told peasants in conf 2day #OMyFather is #revelation haha. Sometimes I kill me. 4:52 PM Ð 8 Oct 1893
@Big_Ol_Woody - B-Frank said hi in bizarro dream. Had long talk, he wanted more temple s**t done. I said OK if he would bug T-Jef about #SallyHemings. 3:46 AM Ð 20 Mar 1894
@Big_Ol_Woody - Utah state but w/ out plyg dammit. Bogus Ô89 #revelation was test from #God I bet. Uh yeah thats it. U cant criticize me I'm the profit. 12:08 PM Ð 4 Jan 1896
@Big_Ol_Woody - Conf talk earlier 2day, kids here 2 be alive 4 #SecondComing. Same ol s**t 60 yrs, they're just never gonna learn. [email protected]$$es 4ever. 6:25 PM Ð 8 Apr 1898
Betrayed! facepalm It must have been a local, besotted with the false promises of a special second anointing for my capture. If I could hie to Kolob Canyons I might yet stand a chance. I will return and report, should I live. Brethren, whatever.
The Tweets of Wilford Woodruff: The Hunt is On!
It has come to this at last. I was hotly pursued into Zion National Park and alas! have tragically lost the Flash Drive of the Prophets while scrambling over the lovely pink cliffs. I fear that it will never be found, save perhaps by an intrepid contributor to this board. Once I reach Mesquite I think I will be free. The Committee has no power beyond Utah, and the breakfast buffet at the Casa Blanca is not half bad. I thank you, dear readers, for your time and attention but damn I really must move or I am toast. Brethr
The Tweets of Wilford Woodruff: Epilogue
The boys were close on my heels all the way to St. George, where I ditched them for good as they were gorging on thirds at Golden Corral's dessert table. I held to the course of the Virgin River through Arizona, entering Nevada near Bunkerville. Being famished I was compelled to rustle and BBQ one of Cliven Bundy's cattle. And it came to pass that I arrived in Las Vegas clinging to the back of a big rig. I relax now poolside at Mandalay Bay Resort and Casino. All is well! My adventure is finished and I return to a normal existence, buying tequilas for sun-kissed topless honeys. I thank you once more for your kind attention. Brethren, I do.
The orignal article and other information about LDS Prophets is available here: http://www.salamandersociety.com/foyeprophets/
submitted by HeberSeeGull to exmormon [link] [comments]

What's happening around town (Wed, Jul 27th - Tue, Aug 2nd)

Tulsa's event list.

Wednesday, Jul 27th

Thursday, Jul 28th

  • Culture Club (The Joint - Catoosa) Start Time: 8:00pm Culture Club
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    Thursday, July 28 • 8PMDoors open at 7PM
    Tickets on sale, April 28
    Price: $75, $85
  • 🍴 Day Camp (Camp Loughridge) 1 day left Start Time: 9:00am Camp Loughridge is a Christian non-profit 501(c)(3) organization accredited by the American Camp Association. Our staff is selectively hired and specially trained to facilitate a safe and fun day camp experience for everyone with a 1:5 counselor to camper ratio. Keep up with your kids' adventures through daily parent emails and other media!…
  • 🍴 Tulsa Drillers Paint & Sip Event by Pinot's Palette (ONEOK Field) Start Time: 4:00pm Summertime, baseball and the American Flag. We're All American! You're an All Star and will knock this one out of the park. We will be painting "All American" inside overlooking Oneok Field before the Drillers Game from 4-6pm. The price includes a 2 hour painting class, a ballpark meal (All You Can Eat Buffet, see below) and a ticket in…
  • Drillers vs Travelers (ONEOK Field) Start Time: 7:05pm vs Arkansas Travelers Thirsty Thursday / Nolan Arenado Jersey Shirt Giveaway
  • Fair Meadows Live Racing (Expo Square: Fair Meadows Race Track) Thru Sat, Jul 30th
  • Happy Hour Show!! Night Demon- 7PM (Soundpony Lounge) Start Time: 9:00pm
  • 😂 John Evans (Loony Bin) Thru Sat, Jul 30th
  • Morris Day and the Time (Osage Million Dollar Elm Casino) Start Time: 7:00pm
  • Movie in the Park: Home Alone (PG) 1990 (Guthrie Green) Start Time: 8:30pm
  • One-Eyed Doll (The Vanguard) One Eyed DollVoodoo dolls, MorganThu 7/28Doors: 7:00 pm / Show: 8:00 pm This event is all ages
  • Pokehunt on the Hill (Rogers State University - Claremore) Start Time: 3:00pm Pokehunt on the Hill will start at 3 p.m. on Thursday, July 28, in the Centennial Center. During the event, you can expect cool refreshments, giveaways every 30 minutes, free exclusive stickers and 10% discount on Hillcat gear at the RSU Bookstore. If you gotta catch 'em all, you gotta come to Pokehunt on the Hill!
  • Saliva Returns (The Shrine) Start Time: 7:30pm
  • Siamese + Noun Verb Adjective (Soundpony Lounge) Start Time: 9:00pm
  • 🎭 Tulsa's Story Telling Competition - Open Mic (IDL Ballroom) Start Time: 7:30pm Tulsa's Monthly StorySlam is looking for people to come share their stories onstage in front of a live audience (21+, $5 cover). No experience necessary and we need contestant/storytellers just like you! Join us at IDL Ballroom downtown and hear people (anyone and this means you!) tell TRUE (funny, serious, sad, harrowing, interesting) stories…
  • Story Time in the Garden - "Trees and Leaves" (Tulsa Garden Center) Start Time: 10:00am Story Time in the Garden is a program for children held in the Linnaeus Teaching Garden in Woodward Park. Admission is FREE! For more information, visit our web site at: http://tulsagardencenter.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/06/2016-July-Story-Time-2nd-revision.pdf
  • World Wide Paint Horse Congress (Expo Square: Built Ford Tough Livestock Complex) Thru Sun, Jul 31st At the World Wide Paint Horse Congress, horses and riders compete in a wide variety of events at Tulsa Expo Square.…

Friday, Jul 29th

  • 🍴 Day Camp (Camp Loughridge) Last Day Start Time: 9:00am Camp Loughridge is a Christian non-profit 501(c)(3) organization accredited by the American Camp Association. Our staff is selectively hired and specially trained to facilitate a safe and fun day camp experience for everyone with a 1:5 counselor to camper ratio. Keep up with your kids' adventures through daily parent emails and other media!…
  • DJ Trigger Warning and Dj Swang EM's Blender Drag Party (Soundpony Lounge) Start Time: 9:00pm
  • Drillers vs Travelers (ONEOK Field) Start Time: 7:05pm vs Arkansas Travelers News on 6 Friday Night Fireworks
  • Fair Meadows Live Racing (Expo Square: Fair Meadows Race Track) 1 day left
  • 🍴 Film on the Lawn: How to Steal a Million (1966) (Philbrook Downtown) Start Time: 7:30pm Join the summer tradition of Philbrook Films on the Lawn! This year we debut a bigger screen, better sound, and more. Bring your picnic basket, blanket, and friends and experience these great films in our beautiful gardens. Food trucks and concessions will be available on site for those must-have movie snacks. In the event of rain, the films…
  • First Friday Art Crawl w/musical guest Native Strange !!! (Gypsy Coffee House & Cyber Cafe) Start Time: 9:00pm
  • 🎨 FIRST FRIDAY ART WALK @ MAINLINE! Beth Knight, 'Tulsa Titans' (Mainline) Start Time: 6:00pm Join us for a festive First Friday at Mainline as we welcome Tulsa artist Beth Knight and her exhibit 'Tulsa Titans'! Beth Knight is an artist whose works directly respond to the surrounding environment and uses everyday experiences from the artist as a starting point. Often these are framed instances that would go unnoticed in their original…
  • Home & Garden Expo of Oklahoma (Expo Square: River Spirit Expo) Thru Sun, Jul 31st The Home & Garden Expo of Oklahoma in Tulsa is the largest summertime home and garden show of its kind in northeast…
  • Infamous / MME (The Shrine) Start Time: 9:00pm
  • 😂 John Evans (Loony Bin) 1 day left
  • Kihekah Steh Powwow (Skiatook) Thru Sun, Jul 31st Head to Skiatook this July for the annual Kihekah Steh Powwow. This important Native American event will occur northwest…
  • Kingdom of Giants (The Vanguard) Start Time: 8:00pm Darkness Divided, Divisions
  • 🎭 My Big Gay Italian Funeral (American Theatre Company) Thru Sat, Aug 6th Roar with laughter as the outrageously entertaining Staten Island family from "My Big Gay Italian Funeral"…
  • 🎡 Rock the Border Summer Music Series! (On The Border Mexican Grill & Cantina) Start Time: 7:30pm There is no better way to kick off summer than with live entertainment, thirst quenching beer, and our flavorful guacamole! On the Border Mexican Grill & Cantina is inviting you to join the fiesta with your amigos at our patio throughout the month of July! Every Friday in July, On The Border is giving everyone a reason to celebrate summer…
  • Sam and the Stylees and In the Whale (Mercury Lounge) Start Time: 10:00pm Fri Jul 29 10:00 PM
    Sam and the Stylees and In The Whale 
  • World Wide Paint Horse Congress (Expo Square: Built Ford Tough Livestock Complex) Thru Sun, Jul 31st At the World Wide Paint Horse Congress, horses and riders compete in a wide variety of events at Tulsa Expo Square.…

Saturday, Jul 30th

  • An evening of all original music w/ POPA J live (Gypsy Coffee House & Cyber Cafe) Start Time: 9:00pm
  • 🏃 Bedlam Run Presented by Williams (Blue Dome District) If you are in Oklahoma and hear the word bedlam, your thoughts immediately go to the rivalry between The University of Oklahoma and Oklahoma State University. This annual event celebrates over 100 years of spirited competition between orange and red. Proceeds will benefit the OSU Alumni Association, and OU Club Of Tulsa.
  • Cherry Street Farmers Market Thru Wed, Jul 27th Start Time: 8:30am
  • Compagnie Herv KOUBI (Tulsa Performing Art Center) Start Time: 8:00pm Compagnie Herv� KOUBI July 30 at 8 p.m. :: Chapman Music Hall Herv� Koubi is recognized as one of Europe's most distinctive choreographers. Drawing from his Algerian roots, Herv� Koubi's work "What the Day Owes to the Night," was more than three years in the making and combines capoeira, martial arts, urban str... AVAILABLE BY SUBSCRIPTION
  • DJ Sweet Baby JAyzus (Soundpony Lounge) Start Time: 9:30pm
  • Drillers vs Travelers (ONEOK Field) Start Time: 7:05pm vs Arkansas Travelers Tulsa's Channel 8 Grand Slam Saturday / Back To School Drillers Hat Giveaway / Mascot Mania
  • The Drunkard and Olio
  • 🎭 The Drunkard and the Olio (Tulsa Spotlight Theatre) Start Time: 7:30pm
  • Fair Meadows Live Racing (Expo Square: Fair Meadows Race Track) Last Day
  • Tulsa Flea Market (Expo Square)
  • Happy Hour Show!!7PM --Jam eCono + Hidden Ritual (Soundpony Lounge) Start Time: 6:30pm
  • Henna Roso: Food Drive & Launch Party (Guthrie Green) Start Time: 2:00pm
  • Home & Garden Expo of Oklahoma (Expo Square: River Spirit Expo) 1 day left The Home & Garden Expo of Oklahoma in Tulsa is the largest summertime home and garden show of its kind in northeast…
  • Jim Gaffigan (BOK Center) Start Time: 8:00pm Don't miss out on acclaimed stand-up comedian Jim Gaffigan as he brings his Fully Dressed Tour to Tulsa's BOK…
  • 😂 John Evans (Loony Bin) Last Day
  • Josh Abbott Band (Cain's Ballroom) On sale May 6th! This event is all ages Advance $20 | Day of Show $22 | Door $22 | Mezzanine (21+) $35 There is a $2 fee that applies to each ticket purchased at the Cain's Box Office. No re-entry! No smoking! No refunds! OK Joe's BBQ will be open and available to ticket holders from 7pm - 8:30pm!
  • Kihekah Steh Powwow (Skiatook) 1 day left Head to Skiatook this July for the annual Kihekah Steh Powwow. This important Native American event will occur northwest…
  • 🎭 My Big Gay Italian Funeral (American Theatre Company) Thru Sat, Aug 6th Roar with laughter as the outrageously entertaining Staten Island family from "My Big Gay Italian Funeral"…
  • Oh, Sleeper (The Vanguard) The Ongoing Concept, Earth Falls Before Me
  • Perceptual Art Going Large (Tulsa Performing Art Center) Start Time: 10:00am Perceptual Art � Going Large June 2-July 30, M-F 10 a.m.-5:30 p.m. (excluding July 4) and during Chapman Music Hall events :: PAC Gallery Contemporary artist Jason Wilson's work was influenced by watching his Native American grandmother design, assemble and sew quilts when he was a child. He says his art is as much about building the painting…
  • R.K. Gun & Knife Show (Expo Square: Exchange Center) Day 1 of 2 For a high quality gun show with great prices and selection, visit the R.K. Gun & Knife Show in Tulsa. RK Shows have…
  • Jenks Saturday Market (2nd & Main - Jenks) Start Time: 9:00am A classic Saturday market experience with local farmers, produce, crafters, food trucks, live music, kid's activities and so much more... Come join the fun! Every Sat 9:00am - noon - weather permitting.
  • 🎭 Summer Heat International Dance Festival (Choregus Productions) Thru Sat, Aug 6th Witness contemporary dance performances and experience the art of movement during Summer Heat International Dance…
  • 🏃 Summer Sizzle Poker Run (Expo Square) RunnersWorld Tulsa presents: Summer Sizzle 5 mile Poker Run
    Saturday, July 30, 7:00 AM
    The Summer Sizzle Poker Run is a non-timed fun run/training run event in conjunction with the RunnersWorld Tulsa Marathon/Half training program but it is open to the general public and all runners/walkers are welcome. The run starts at 7AM. You can…
  • Summer Vendor Show (Osage Event Center) All ages are invited to attend the Summer Vendor Show from 11 a.m. to 5 p.m., Saturday, July 30, at the Osage Event Center, Tulsa. Approximately 45 vendors will be on site including handmade art and crafts, home décor, jewelry, skincare, wellness, and much, much more. The Osage Event Center is an 8,000-square-foot facility located inside the…
  • The Whiskey Misters (Mercury Lounge) Start Time: 10:00pm
  • World Wide Paint Horse Congress (Expo Square: Built Ford Tough Livestock Complex) 1 day left At the World Wide Paint Horse Congress, horses and riders compete in a wide variety of events at Tulsa Expo Square.…

Sunday, Jul 31st

  • Abandoned By Bears (The Vanguard) Start Time: 8:00pm Save The Lost Boys, Southview, LOCAL TBA, LOCAL TBA
  • the best karaoke in the UNIVERSE! w/ Ron Hammond! (Mainline) Start Time: 8:00pm
  • Brandon Clark (Mercury Lounge) Start Time: 9:00pm
  • Darell Christopher & the Ingredients (Oklahoma Jazz Hall of Fame) Start Time: 5:00pm
  • Tulsa Drillers (ONEOK Field) Start Time: 1:05pm vs Arkansas Travelers Kids Eat Free! / Princess/Super Hero Appearances / Super Hero Cape Giveaway
  • Home & Garden Expo of Oklahoma (Expo Square: River Spirit Expo) Last Day The Home & Garden Expo of Oklahoma in Tulsa is the largest summertime home and garden show of its kind in northeast…
  • Kihekah Steh Powwow (Skiatook) Last Day Head to Skiatook this July for the annual Kihekah Steh Powwow. This important Native American event will occur northwest…
  • 🎭 Koresh Dance Company (Tulsa Performing Art Center) Start Time: 8:00pm Koresh Dance Company July 31 at 8 p.m. :: John H. Williams Theatre Over the years, Koresh Dance Company's artistic director, Roni Koresh, has developed a vast repertoire of work that ranges from explosive and passionate to intimate and restrained. This evening's feature work, "23: Deconstructing Mozart," is a new co... AVAILABLE BY SUBSCRIPTION
  • 🎭 My Big Gay Italian Funeral (American Theatre Company) Thru Sat, Aug 6th Roar with laughter as the outrageously entertaining Staten Island family from "My Big Gay Italian Funeral"…
  • R.K. Gun & Knife Show (Expo Square: Exchange Center) Day 2 of 2 For a high quality gun show with great prices and selection, visit the R.K. Gun & Knife Show in Tulsa. RK Shows have…
  • Save The Lost Boys et al. (The Vanguard)
  • 🎭 Summer Heat International Dance Festival (Choregus Productions) Thru Sat, Aug 6th Witness contemporary dance performances and experience the art of movement during Summer Heat International Dance…
  • World Wide Paint Horse Congress (Expo Square: Built Ford Tough Livestock Complex) Last Day At the World Wide Paint Horse Congress, horses and riders compete in a wide variety of events at Tulsa Expo Square.…

Monday, Aug 1st

Tuesday, Aug 2nd

  • After Trivia: Pleasures (Soundpony Lounge) Start Time: 9:00pm
  • 🎓 Tulsa Lead Exchange (a business networking group) (Marley's) Start Time: 12:00pm Tulsa Lead Exchange is a business networking group of professionals. We meet each week on Tuesday at noon to exchange business leads and help each other build our business contacts and sales. Membership costs $40.00 per month (which pays for your lunch). If you are interested in becoming a member and building your business, contact one of the…
  • Tulsa's Longest Running All Original Works Open Mic !!!! (Gypsy Coffee House & Cyber Cafe) Start Time: 7:00pm
  • 🎭 My Big Gay Italian Funeral (American Theatre Company) Thru Sat, Aug 6th Roar with laughter as the outrageously entertaining Staten Island family from "My Big Gay Italian Funeral"…
  • Oklahoma Music Academy Summer Jam (Cain's Ballroom) Start Time: 7:00pm Everyone attending is required to make a cash donation of any size or bring an in-kind donation for Youth Services of Tulsa. Oklahoma Music Academy Summer JamTue Aug 02Doors: 6:00 pm / Show: 7:00 pm This event is all ages
  • 🎭 Summer Heat International Dance Festival (Choregus Productions) Thru Sat, Aug 6th Witness contemporary dance performances and experience the art of movement during Summer Heat International Dance…
  • Tedeschi Trucks Band (Brady Theater) Start Time: 7:30pm WHEELS OF SOUL 2016 TOUR Tedeschi Trucks Band with Special Guests: Los Lobos North Mississippi Allstars Tickets On Sale FRI 4/8 at 10am Brady Box Office & Starship Records in Tulsa Buy For Less locations in OKC Charge by phone @ 866.977.6849 online @ protix.com Reserved Tickets: $79.50, $59.50 & $39.50 Doors open at 6:30pm All Ages Welcome
  • Trivia with Jack (Soundpony Lounge) Start Time: 8:30pm

See Also

submitted by tulsanewsbot to tulsa [link] [comments]

Things to not do in Reno

The city fathers can't be trusted to tell you what to do with your free time. The city mothers can, but I haven't been all that good listening to her since she called my girlfriend a whore when I brought her home for Thanksgiving. My sister brought her girlfriend home for Christmas and didn't catch shit, but mom may have just missed the concept. She thought the reason they shared a single set of dangly earrings was just fashion, and suggesting that they import the trend onto the next American Girl doll line. But I digress. The Chamber of Commerce is real helpful with civic sponsored festivals and all that, telling you how safe street vibrations is or how interesting the walking tour of old houses converted into lawyers offices can be. Most Renovians don't need me to tell them they are irredeemably full of crap, so what are we to do? Well, here are a few things you can and should avoid and something close enough that's worth your time, money or morals.
The Modern Art Museum. Don't call it that though: It is the "Nevada Museum of ART", and county ordinance requires any resident hearing it referred to differently to punch the offender in the crotch. Renovians gush about this enormous black building that looks like a badly failed baking experiment or an office tower t retrofitters didn't get to before the quake of aught three.
 The building is enormous and contains almost no art. Seriously, there are two very small walking galleries containing the 13# th most important collection of unknown 19# th century American painters west of the Rockies and an exhibit space hosting some minimalists traveling show or (more often) damn all nothing. 
It is impressive to people who have never been to a real art museum in a real metropolitan city or attended an auction preview at Butterfield & Butterfield. The only truly impressive space in the whole building is the café, which serves a damned fine weekend brunch.
Instead, go to the National Car Museum, once known as the Harrah's Collection. I'm not a car person, but even I find this place impressive. They have more cars on display than the NMU has bits of canvas, their descriptions are more insightful and seriously, isn't Reno more of a car town?
The Great Nugget rib cook off. Man, this used to be a great event twenty years ago. As an American white male I would gladly eat every meal of my life in meat-sickle form, and a venue where you wander from one booth to the next with a frozen margarita in one hand and a bone in another gets nine points out of ten (ten if you can get someone to wheel you around to the booths).
It's an event killed by its own success and has been a waste of our time for ten years now. First, you don't wander any more, you stand around. It takes half an hour to negotiate any food line except kettle corn, and I didn't come to a rib cook off for fucking kettle corn. Lines go full Disneyland for the prime eating hours, you may need to pack a lunch. Second, it is very pricey for what you get, you're going to pay twice what you pay for a rack anywhere else, buying it two meat-sickles at a time. Finally, the quality of Que has dropped as mass production has kicked up and the joints around town have markedly bumped up their games. Dave's BBQ, Men Wielding Fire, Brothers, Carolina's, all are better than the average competitor. Instead, go to Virginia City for the Camel and Ostrich races. Virginia City is a lot more fun to wander around with a beer than Sparks, and watching some kid try to stay on top of a panicking ostrich for a hundred yards is much better bang for the buck than watching the two remaining members Whitesnake lead the new singer through the bands thirty year old hits.
Virginia Street Casinos. Renovians don't go to the casinos much to begin with, unless like me they have discovered that the buffets are an adequate substitute for the bankrupt Fresh Choice franchise. You end up there because friends are visiting from out of town, or you work there, or you need a not nasty toilet during the middle of the Italian Festival (rebranded from Columbus Day).
A shame really, many of the casinos offer good entertainment, a clean safe environment, a lot better food choices at three in the morning than elsewhere and prime people watching. And there's few better places to watch a big game than on sixty screens in a sports book.
It's just that the downtown casinos make us want to cry. Virginia Street hasn't been walkable for years. It's stuffed with T-shirt shops, vagrants, pawn shops, drunks, tattoo parlors, derelict old motels, mentally ill vagrant drunks, and lots of flat vacant space. Take your friends to the Grand Sierra or the Peppermill or the Atlantis. Being isolated by themselves they are somewhat lifeless and anticeptic, but at least they don't make you want to cry.
All these fucking Tahoe franchises. This town has its own traditional eateries, why does every venture in Truckee believe that Reno is a mecca for over priced casual foods? BurgerMe makes a fine burger, but it just makes burgers. Beach hut Deli makes a fine sandwich, but it just makes sandwiches. Squeeze In makes a fine hippy style omelet, but breakfast is the one meal Reno does right without any help. I have no idea what RedHut is doing here, it doesn't do anything well.
The only things these businesses have in common are that their prices are way, way too high for Reno, they're Tahoe prices, and there's just as good or better home grown storefronts selling better for cheaper.
Burning Man. This one is a bit of a cheat, because Renovians by and large never did burning man. Reno is already dry, hot and windy, the last thing we're going to do is go 'hmmm… I bet if we drive an hour out into the god forsaking desert we can find a waterless waste that has all this and more dust to boot!'
Most Renovians have more sense than this. No, Burning man was the bastard offspring of Bay Area ex hippies and RenFaire refugees in the late eighties and early nineties. Tired of being squeezed out of their own festivals, the Black Rock Desert was a conscious choice of a god forsaken patch nobody else would ever want, where they could go to be artsy freaks to their heart's content. Too bad watching artsy freaks and pretending you are one is so popular, and that they've been bumped again, but hey, there's plenty of waterless hell holes in Nevada, go find another one. Instead, you should do anything else that involves trees, running water and less dust.
4# th of July Nugget fireworks. Hey, even the nerdy, bullied kids need someone to look down on. Reno's uber dweeb is Sparks. As a transplant myself, I am puzzled and amazed that Sparks is and remains a separate municipality. The burg just doesn't seem to have an independent existence. It's like if South Meadows broke off and founded the new city of Double Diamond. The answer of course is that its old, the town started many years ago when Reno itself was little more than a toll bridge and fuck you if you think we're giving it up now.
Mostly, we just think of it as a seedy part of Reno now, regardless of what their city charter and police cars say. It seems like the only prosperous businesses in the whole town are the In and Out Burger, and the Nugget. The Nugget tries to breath life into Victorian Square, though the movie theater just closed down and they're building new condos over most of their event parking, but they try. One of the ways they try is by owning the fourth of July lately.
It hasn't always been so. Until the '08 recession, the better display was put on by Reno, out at Rancho San Rafael Park. Ever since then the city has cheaped out, mumbling something about how the Aces will shoot off something if the team is in town, and letting Star Spangled Sparks hold the field.
A shame, because there are very few places less suited to a fireworks display than Victorian Square. There's no grass to sit on. They don't turn off the street lights, so all the fireworks are muted and washed out. The post show traffic jam is epic. It's time for Reno to remember that they want to be a city again and grow a pair. The '08 recession is over, buy some god damned fireworks.
Finally, Hot August Nights. Instead, do Hot August Nights. This event is spread all over Reno and Sparks, and how much you enjoy it will be determined by what venues you choose and what cars you look at. Choose wisely.
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Prairie Meadows Casino - Entertainment Destination - 2015 Commercial Portland Meadows Casino Add Las Vegas MGM Grand Buffet at MGM Grand Weekday Dinner ... Prairie Meadows Casino, Racetrack & Hotel - 2015 Commercial

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Prairie Meadows Casino - Entertainment Destination - 2015 Commercial

Prairie Meadows Casino, Racetrack and Hotel is the premier destination for gaming and entertainment with over 2,000 of the hottest games in town. Try a delicious buffet or enjoy free entertainment ... Las Vegas MGM Grand Buffet at MGM Grand Weekday Dinner Prairie Meadows Casino, Racetrack and Hotel is the premier destination for gaming and entertainment with over 2,000 of the hottest games in town. Try a delicious buffet or enjoy free entertainment ... Prairie Meadows Casino, Racetrack, & Hotel 619 views. 0:31. Spirit Mountain buffet - Duration: 1:48. John Kim Recommended for you. 1:48. TOP 3 MOST AMAZING POKER TRAPS EVER! - Duration: 10:03 ...

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